Which of the following is the odd one out? A brand-new, top-of-the-range Tesla, a terraced house in County Durham, or a champagne-coloured cockapoo? And no, for once, it is nothing to do with Donald Trump’s extraordinary hair.
The answer is, of course, the cockapoo. Because the Tesla will set you back about £60,000.
And a sunny three-bedroom house in Hartlepool will cost about the same. But an estimated lifelong care bill of a middle-class cockapoo living its best life in 2025 Britain is rather more than that.
As we all know, with costs piling up for everything from vets’ bills to food, and doggy day care to grooming, our precious pooches bleed us dry.
Only this month, yet another canine cost came to light when it was reported that Taiwo Owatemi, Labour MP for Coventry North West, claimed an extra £900 ‘pet rent’ on her expenses, after the landlord at her second home in London upped the rent for her cockapoo, Bella, to stay at the property.
It must be stressed, Taiwo’s claim was legitimate and accepted by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority.
Four legs: A puppy from a Cockapoo Club of Great Britain-approved breeder will cost between £1,500 to £2,000 – depending on colour – but that’s just the start of it
But it has rather thrust the rising costs under the spotlight. Which is perhaps why most dopily devoted middle-class dog owners have never dared to add it all up.
So, with apologies to those who would rather keep your heads firmly in the sand, here we lift the dog flap on your doggy balance sheet.
Buying a cockapoo
Owatemi is just one of more than 70,000 Brits who now own a cockapoo. Which, for those who don’t know, is a small to medium-sized, hypoallergenic designer cross between a cocker spaniel and a poodle.
They look like teddy bears and are fairly clever, good with children but can be quite needy and silly.
A puppy from a Cockapoo Club of Great Britain-approved breeder will cost between £1,500 to £2,000 – depending on colour – and will live approximately 13 years.
The early months
Most puppies arrive at their for ever homes aged between eight and 12 weeks. They will need micro-chipping and vaccinating, which costs approximately £60 and is often, but not always, paid for by the breeder.
Puppy-training classes are important – the Dogs Trust offer in-person and virtual courses for £70.
Most families will arrange for a trainer to visit the home and meet for sessions outside. According to bark.com, the average cost of dog training in the UK is £50 a session and six sessions is a sensible number.
Most people buy their puppies toys – balls and stuffed squeaky toys are about £30, perhaps a potty-training bell (yes, really – it hangs on the back door and they ring it when they want to go out), £5.99 from Amazon.
A large wire crate is £35 from Amazon with cosy padded mattress and crate ‘bumper’ an added £144.50 from Charley Chau.
Food
Here you can go bananas. And many cockapoo owners do, with free-range organic chicken, doggy omelettes and saucers of homogenised Jersey milk.
So for fairness’ sake, we’ve opted for the middle-class bog/dog standard food of choice, Lily’s, which is £3.35 a can in Waitrose, comes in flavours ranging from Sunday Lunch to Christmas Dinner and perfectly complements Lily’s dry biscuits.
Food – wet and dry plus treats and training snacks – £50 a month. A lifetime’s supply of Lily’s plus training treats and snacks: £7,800.
Equipment
Starting with beds, plural. Because most cockapoos have at least two. A nice one for bedtime – a Luxury Comfort Cocoon Dog Cave Bed from Collared Creatures costs £84.98.
At least one or two more cheaper day beds placed strategically around the house for wherever they want to flop. Say, £100.
Bowls – assorted – often with their name on: £60. More toys, balls and squeakies – another £50. While harnesses, leads and collars are £250.
Toothbrushes and toothpaste – Vet’s Best Dental Care Kit for Puppies, Finger Brush & Toothpaste costs £15.99 and will last a year, giving a lifetime total of £207.87.
Four wheels: A brand-new, top-of-the-range Tesla electric car will currently set you back around £60,000
Grooming
Lovely though they all are, we are not including doggy day spas, yoga, acupuncture, massage or hydrotherapy here.
Just basic grooming, which costs between £45 and £70 a pop and is recommended every four to six weeks to keep their curls in check. So let’s call it £55, every six weeks. A total of £6,196.
Doggy day care
Taking an average of two days a week, for 11 months of the year, rates vary enormously.
At Acres 4 Dogs Daycare, two fixed days a week will cost £54 a day, but this fee includes a home pick-up and drop-off in the ‘fun bus’.
While at Paws And Play Yorkshire, a full day is £26. Splitting the difference, say £40 per day, is £3,840 a year.
For ten years – on the basis that very young and very old dogs are less likely to go to day care – £38,400.
Festive treats
We can pretend we don’t buy all these extras, but we’d be lying.
Most self-respecting middle-class cockapoos will look forward to their annual Advent calendars – Fortnum & Mason’s costs £180, but you can pick one up from Amazon for a fiver – cosy Christmas coats, spooky Halloween get-ups and summer doggy ice cream menu. Say £400 in total.
Holidays
With pet passports pretty much unworkable now, we have two options: book doggy-friendly holidays in the UK, or leave your dog behind, somewhere nice.
Though not necessarily as nice as The Little Lord Barkley dog hotel in Surrey, which charges between £55 and £75 a night.
Barkers Dogs in Brighton offers home boarding for £35 a night, plus pick-up and drop-off.
Others opt for live-in carers, who move into your home, walk your pet, chat to them, feed them, keep them company, watch telly with them and charge from about £40 a night.
£40 x 14 – £560 a year. So £5,600 over a lifetime.
Four walls: This sunny three-bedroom house in Brenda Road, Hartlepool, will cost about the same as a Tesla
Insurance
This is crucial and, ideally, will be at Platinum Level. Because most of us treat them as proper family members and would pay pretty much anything to keep them alive should disaster strike.
The average annual cost of insuring a cockapoo in the UK is £324.96, which varies according to age, location and pre-existing conditions. A lifetime total of £4,224.48.
On top of this, claim excesses vary wildly from around £60 to £250 – an average of £155. On the basis that 50 per cent of doggy insurance holders make a claim each year – a lifelong excess cost of £1,007.50.
Vet’s bills
Even with insurance coming out of their furry ears, many visits to the vet are not covered, or worth claiming for, such as spaying – approximately £220, or about £800 for a ‘keyhole’ spay with a smaller wound and quicker recovery time. Neutering is about £325.
Annual vaccinations including flea and worming tablets – £180 a year, £2,340 for life. Minor ailments not worth claiming on insurance for – £150 a year, £1,950 for life.
A lifetime cost of £4,510.
Twilight years
Like us, our dogs get old and creaky and will need a bit more care, such as professional teeth-cleaning, nail-trimming and ear-cleaning.
In London, professional dog teeth-cleaning at a vet typically costs between £150 and £500, but can vary depending on the dog’s size, the procedure needed and the vet you choose. Say, £1,000 in total.
Into the sunset
Awful to raise it but even the most precious life comes to an end. And with it a final cost.
Chestnut Lodge Pet Crematorium offers an individual pet cremation with ashes in a personalised eco-friendly and recyclable tin for £214.
So there we are. At this point any middle-class cockapoo owners out there should perhaps take a very deep breath and try to not to make comparisons with the recently revealed cost of raising a child – £223,256 – or £12,400 a year.
Because after totting all that up, we can reveal that the total cost of keeping your cockapoo in the style to which he or she has become accustomed is a staggering £72,720.32, or £5,593.87 a year.
Of course, a Tesla also comes with annual costs, such as maintenance and electricity to run it, and property owners face plenty of expenses. But the Tesla may hold value when you come to sell and the property may appreciate in value the longer you hold it – unlike a cockapoo.
But who wants a Tesla anyway – particularly right now. And I’d far rather have a dog than another child. Though I’d prefer a Jack Russell.
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