DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD the best sex ever with my mum’s best friend and now I’ve got big feelings for her.
No one knows about us — not my mother or my friends and definitely not her husband.
There is more than 20 years between us but we get on so well and she is such a good-looking woman.
I hadn’t seen her since I was 15 when she moved away with her husband’s job.
I’m 22 now and she’s 45.
She came to visit because my older sister was having an engagement party.
I’ve been away at university but I’m back at home now.
She put her bag upstairs, walked into the lounge and gave me the biggest hug and remarked how handsome I was.
The party started and the drinks were flowing.
She came over and talked to me all night.
I’ve been job-hunting so Mum’s friend gave me her number because she works in recruitment.
I sent her a text later that night and she replied immediately, saying that she had been thinking about me.
She then invited me to her place for the weekend because she insisted there were some “great opportunities locally”.
I took up her offer but on arrival I didn’t just get a peck, I got a full-blown kiss.
It felt weird but lovely too.
Her husband was away so we ate dinner and then she took me to her bed.
The sex was off the scale.
She keeps texting me and I really have feelings for her but could a relationship with her work?
DEIDRE SAYS: No. She is married.
She’s groomed you to some extent and then seduced you.
It’s clear that she’s manipulative.
She’s done this to satisfy her own needs, without thinking about you.
Age gaps can work but these circumstances feel wholly different.
She wants nothing more than for you to flatter her own ego.
You’re at very different life stages and if the rest of the family were to find out, it wouldn’t go down well.
Be the assertive one and tell her that this relationship is over and the texting stops now.
My support pack called Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk to her.
You’d be better off finding somebody free to have a relationship with you.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
SNEAKY ROMPS WITH EX
DEAR DEIDRE: NOW that my ex-boyfriend and I are meeting on the sly, my sex life is off the scale.
He had ended it with me because he said he had lost interest.
I was gutted when he quickly found somebody else.
But he kept coming to my workplace and asking me to go out to his car, where we would have sex.
Sometimes he calls me to his flat and we get into role-playing.
He is 31, I’m 26 and we were dating for six months.
He has got a girlfriend but he is like a drug to me.
I shouldn’t keep giving in to him but he is so good-looking and an amazing lover.
I hope we will be back together one day.
You’ll do anything for somebody you love, won’t you?
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but this man is no longer your boyfriend.
He is cheating on his girlfriend, which shows you what he is capable of if you were to get back together.
He has got charm so you won’t be the only one falling for it, and if you continue to have sex with him, he will think he can behave as he wants.
You’re getting ten minutes of passion and not a lot else.
You deserve better.
My support pack Your Lover Not Free explains more.
AUNTIE STILL SCOLDS ME LIKE A CHILD
DEAR DEIDRE: MY auntie talks to me like I’m a child, but I’m a man of 22.
She brought me up with my cousins (her children) after my mother died of an overdose when I was four.
My dad has never been on the scene.
My auntie, who is 60, looks after her grandchildren after school.
I live in a flat now but when I went to a birthday party for one of the kids, she told me off for having a beer.
Then she shouted at me in front of the family for spilling squash I was serving for a five-year-old.
She’s been kind but sometimes I wish she’d realise that I’m an adult now and she doesn’t need to embarrass me in front of everyone.
DEIDRE SAYS: Being around children has been her life.
She still thinks of you as that vulnerable little boy that she took in.
She doesn’t mean to belittle you.
If she makes comments you don’t like, turn it into a joke by saying, “I’ve grown up a bit since you looked after me”.
She’s been good to you so I’m sure you can gear yourself up for your visits, and with a few loving jibes in return, she’ll get the message.
‘BEST MAN’ WITH WORST ATTITUDE
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancé’s best friend has refused to be best man at our wedding because he doesn’t like me.
He calls me – and my brother – idiots, although we’ve done nothing more than to stand up to him.
My fiancé, his best friend, me and my brother all hang around together in a big group
My fiancé and my brother are both 28, I’m 25 and this guy is 30.
I voiced an opinion one night to him about the football manager of the team he supports.
He didn’t like it.
He couldn’t argue though so he walked off in a strop – but it wasn’t a big row or anything.
The team my brother and I support are arch rivals with his football team.
When we all go out together he now blanks me and my brother.
No one stands up to him.
He says jump and everyone else says how high.
He’s the big “I am” and they’re all sycophants.
His ex-girlfriend ended it because she said he was a narcissist.
We are supposed to be getting married next year but my fiancé says he won’t do it without his wing-man, and his mate is saying that there’s no way he wants any part of our wedding.
We are completely stuck.
DEIDRE SAYS: This guy shouldn’t even be getting a vote.
Your wedding is about you and your fiancé.
If all you’ve done is stand up to this guy over something trivial, then your fiancé should be standing up to him too.
Your fiancé is effectively choosing his best mate over you.
If he loves you, why would he tolerate somebody who treats you (and your brother) with disrespect because of a difference of opinion over football?
It was not a personal argument.
Your fiancé may have another friend he can choose as best man but if he refuses, perhaps you need to think about whether he’d have your back in the long-term.
